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Debian: Non-Violent Communication (NVC) and Technical Work

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Debian
  • Ulrike Uhlig: Conflict as a clash of strategies and a vector for change

    I've been practising Non-Violent Communication (NVC) for several years. It helps me to better understand my feelings and needs. The concepts of NVC can also help to look at conflicts.

    [...]

    May has issues doing all the work they're supposed to do and seeks to talk to their manager about it. The manager repeatedly refuses to receive them, as the manager is very busy. May had the hope to be able to sort their issues out with the manager but now they feel frustrated, and helpless, on top of feeling stressed out. Week after week, May tries to get in touch with the manager, as they don't know how to solve their issue alone. But as their demands become more pressing, the manager starts to feel annoyed, tense, and insecure, and keeps ignoring May's requests.

    May's needs: communication, cooperation, being understood, being seen, autonomy.
    Manager's needs: efficacy, independence, respect, autonomy.

    Both their needs are legit. Some of them even overlap.

    The conflict occurs at the level of their strategies: the manager makes the conscious decision to deny May's discussion requests, effectively denying them to voice their concerns and worries, which makes May feel helpless, frustrated, and angry. When May chooses to make their demands more explicit, the manager starts to feel more and more insecure.

  • Paul Wise: FLOSS Activities February 2020
  • Chris Lamb: Free software activities in February 2020

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